CHRONICLE
A critic’s chronicle
Starring Dane DeHaan, Alex Russell, Michael B. Jordan; directed by Josh Trank
Cleaning up after a screening of Chronicle, a movie theater custodian found an iPad under a seat. Covetously, he toyed with the notion of keeping it, but realized he should probably give it to lost and found. But before he did, his curiosity made him turn it on, where he noticed a document was still open. After a sentence, it was clear that this was a film critic’s iPad, who must have left it in his hurried exit after the showing. Intrigued, the custodian decided to continue
reading. And what he read told an amazing tale.
Apparently, the critic was late to the screening. Making his way to a seat in the darkened theater, the film started as he was standing facing the projector. He was blindedby the bright intense light. It was so powerful and disorienting
that he felt lightheaded, nearly fainted, and bumped his head on a seat back producing a nosebleed.
After sitting down, he used a napkin he got with his popcorn to staunch the bleeding. As the movie unspooled, he became fixated on the screen and noticed after a couple of minutes that he was amazingly eating the popcorn without the use of his hands — he simply desired more of it and it floated from the container to his mouth. He was astonished, but no one noticed as they were engrossed in the film.
The custodian kept reading. The critic’s notes revealed that he became nauseous from the jittery camera movements.
Apparently, the film was about three teenagers in Seattle. The movie starts with one of them using his handheld camera. He shows us his room, films his friend while he drives them to school, introduces us to his high school, and wanders around documenting his daily routine — all seen from the perspective of his camera. It turns out the film is another one of those “found footage” films where all action is glimpsed solely from cameras used by the characters or surveillance
video. The result: hyper-jittery visuals. But, the critic’s notes turned odd:
It got so bad that I was at risk of purging the contents of my stomach from the motion sickness. I was tempted to look away from herky-jerky images or focus on one corner of the screen. But then a different strange feeling gripped me. I was overcome with calmness when I simply harnessed the power of my mind to focus on the content of the film and not the visuals. This same power helped endure the more dazzling action and special effects later on. In short, I was able to vanquish the visuals!
The custodian heard someone coming, so he carried the iPad to the bathroom to continue privately reading. The critic’s notes describe another amazing phenomenon involving the dialogue that grated on his ears and nerves. It seems that the three teenagers, who were at a house party in the suburbs, happen upon a hole in the surrounding woods. The kids film themselves entering the hole, which produces an ominous thumping sound, and find something
mysterious; a large structure of symmetrical crystals in a wall that glows with neon colors, throbs with energy and gives them nosebleeds. The critic commented that they irritatingly banter and goof around at something that should instead produce awe and wonder — and fear. The critic’s notes explain:
The kids’ vocabulary was limited
to shouting out each other’s
names, yelling at each other, or
exclaiming “wah-hoo”. I was
about to shout back at the
screen, when, after applying
some mental energy, I was able
to block out their insipid caterwauling
and contemplate the
film’s concepts. Yet another
newfound power as I let my mind
wander and flex its range. In
other words, I was able to silence
the insipidness!
Someone came into the bathroom, so the custodian secured himself in a stall to continue reading. According to the critic’s notes, the glowing throbbing crystals the teenagers discovered gave them superpowers — principally the ability to use their minds to move objects. And they began to use this power for their own amusement and alleviate boredom. But the critic was troubled by this as well. From his notes:
Just like that hole in the ground, I
became increasingly frustrated holes in this film.
Instead of being
amazed by their new
powers — or even
disturbed by them —
these kids treat them
as something akin to
squirting milk from
their noses. They never
bother to report the
glowing, thrumming
crystals in the hole,
which would freak out
any normal kids or
cause them to worry
that they were exposed
to some toxic chemicals
or radiation. They
seem unconcerned
that others might
happen on this hole
and the crystals and become
similarly afflicted with powers or
illness. As they become more
adept at using their powers, they
become more brazen using it,
even performing amazing feats at
a school talent show. Unbelievably,
their classmates seem uninterested
in learning how they
actually did their stunts. As odd
things start happening to people
— the three use their powers to
playfully menace others and even
hurt people like pulling out a
bully’s teeth in the crowded
school hallway — there never
seems to be any investigations or
repercussions. But, just as I
started to lose my resilience
against such obvious flaws, I
used my newfound mental
powers to look past the plot
flaws and just let the film
happen. Oh wow! I was able to fly
through the plot holes!
Obviously, the critic’s powers were growing, which the custodian found compelling yet disturbing. His notes reflected
that he even developed the strength to endure the film’s many clichés. He wrote:
After soaring through the plot
holes, I began to notice the raft
of clichés running through the
film. One of the kid’s fathers is an
over-the-top abusive alcoholic,
while his mother is sick and
dying. This kid is also socially
awkward, bullied at school and in
his neighborhood, and is, naturally,
a virgin. He is not popular,
athletic or great looking. He uses
his camera as a way to keep the
world and people at a distance.
When his newfound powers
grow, he decides to use them to
protect himself from humiliation
and abuse. One could see this
coming a mile away — even
without special mental powers.
Like with so many films before it
(Carrie, Willard, X-Men, etc.), he
uses his powers to seek revenge
and gain the strength, power and
control that he never felt. Being
zapped with the projector light
must have done something to me
too as now I was able to overlook
these clichés and see this film on
its own terms. I was able to
outrun its obviousness!
The last entry by the critic suggested the apex of the mysterious strengths that infused his mind when blinded by the projector light. The critic seemed to see right through the film. Here are his notes:
It dawned on me, like some light
bulb going off above my head.
On its surface this film seemed
to be about how three average,
everyday teenagers might
respond to possessing superpowers.
Instead of the tired,
routine way films depict this,
which would have these kids
fight bad guys with similar superpowers
intent on destroying the
earth, these kids use them in
everyday encounters and struggles.
When they learn to fly, they
do what any kid would do — they
enjoy it. But, armed with my new
mental powers of deduction, it
became clear to me that this film
was not really about immature
kids groping with mental abilities
to move objects and create
havoc on city streets — which
the troubled kid does when his
father further abuses him. No,
this film is about the cycle of
abuse and how it is passed on
from generation to generation.
The superpower aspect just gives
a unique sci-fi gloss to this
truism. As abused kids get older,
they can find ways to overcome
that abuse, or use their powers
as adults to act out on it with
harmful and tragic results. In
sum, I was able to see right
through this film! Now I must tell
the world! I must use my cinematic
insightful powers for public
good. I must get out of here!
There were no other entries. But the custodian now had a chronicle of the critic’s experience and observations. Just as
he was about to turn it off and deliver it to lost and found, the device gave off ablinding light of its own, causing the
custodian to recoil and lose his balance, hitting his nose on the stall door. He dropped the iPad shattering the screen. It was toast. But now the custodian began to feel strange. He looked around and saw uncleanliness all around him that he heretofore had not seen. So, he got back to work with a strange new fervor.
“Filmoholic” Critic Man, aka Doug Young, has been rehabbing at The Colorado Statesman for the last decade or so. A senior environmental policy advisor to Colorado Gov. John Hickenlooper, his reviews canbe found regularly on Pop Geek Heaven.
